You’re right where you need to be.
I see what you really want is to have the experience of feeling yourself, your essence. You’ve felt this with others, reflecting your essence, reflecting the divine in you, and you’re trying to see it in them. But then your divinity depends on their presence. And what you really, really want is to feel it, to feel Me, on your own. So you get angry when others reflect anything but the highest truth. You get resentful and cynical. But deep down, you know that only you can show yourself your truth. Deep down, you really only want to be with people who support the highest truth, who don’t buy into the illusion of the small Self.
What you want is to see the world through my eyes. To share your life with me and feel the gifts of living a divinely inspired life. To live in harmony with me. To feel yourself as many moments as possible. To explore the world and play. To give and receive love. To be expansive. To see how high you can soar. To live with integrity and dignity and to play “full out”, even when that means resting!
I get that what you’re wanting is compassionate truth. And reality. You’re wanting clarity. Let’s remember that it’s not even a question if you are “too much” or “not enough” or “lovable”. My questions for you are, “how open is your heart?” “how are you loving and caring for yourself?” “how much of your precious truth are you sharing in this moment?” “how much love of my boundless love are you up for letting in?”
When challenging things happen, know that I am not abandoning you. I have only love for you. Challenges are not a sign that you are “doing something wrong”. They are a sign that you are alive. They occur, partly for your growth — to open you to a new way of being or a new possibility — and partly for reasons you cannot know or understand at this moment. Know that I am completely here with you at every moment, and feel me whenever you call me in your heart. You are infinitely OK, as I have made you in my own image.
Rest in the Divine Heart,